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       Posted by PARISIENNE Posted on December 29, 2009 View Comments 1      
Une Fessée
Un jour que maman faisait le lit dans la chambre de son fils âgé de 15 ans, elle tombe sur 'S&M fashion', un magazine voué à la gloire du bondage et du latex. Naturellement, elle est très en colère.
Le soir, quand rentre son mari, elle lui met la revue sous le nez en lui disant:
"Tiens! Regarde ce que j'ai trouvé dans la chambre de ton fils..."
Son époux prend la revue, la parcourt silencieusement une minute, puis il la rend à sa femme.
"Alors, qu'est-ce qu'on va faire?" lui demande-t-elle.
Et papa lui répond:
"Je ne sais pas, mais il y a une chose qui est sûre: c'est pas la peine de lui donner la fessée!"
       Posted by SAILOR4 Posted on December 27, 2009 View Comments 2      
Cyber sex
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36.What do you look like?
Wellhung: I`m 6`3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I`m also wearing an old T-shirt, it`s got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We`re in my bedroom. There`s soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I`m smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I`m gulping. I`m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I`m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now, I`m unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I`m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I`m taking hold of your blouse and I`m sliding it softly off.
Sweetheart: I`m throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I`m rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I`m sorry.
Sweetheart: That`s, OK. It wasn`t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I`ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don`t worry about it! I`m wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I`m fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it`s stuck. Do you have scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I`m picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I`m arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I`m dropping the bra. Now I`m licking your, you know, breasts They`re neat!
Sweetheart: I`m running my fingers through your hair. Now I`m nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: WHAT?!?
Wellhung: I`m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I`m wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I`m taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.
Sweetheart: OK. I`m pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I`m screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
Sweetheart: I`m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I`m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you-- ummm, wait a second...
Sweetheart: What`s the matter?
Wellhung: I`ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I`m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I`m having a coughing fit. I`m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
Wellhung: I`m running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups??
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
Wellhung: I`m drinking a cup of water. There, that`s better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I`m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I`m aching for you lover.
Wellhung: Now I`m drying the cup. I`m putting it back in the cabinet...and now I`m walking back to the bedroom. Wait - it`s dark, I`m lost. Where is the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left - at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I`m tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don`t you take your glasses off?
Wellhung: OK. But I can`t see very well. I`m placing my glasses on the nightstand.
Sweetheart: I`m bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I`m fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom...
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover!
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it`s dark. I`m feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I`m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I`m done going. I`m feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What`s the matter now?
Wellhung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I`m walking back to the bed now. Blindly, feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: Now I`m going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman`s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I`m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma`am, I`m having a little problem here.
Sweetheart: I`m moving my ass back and forth. I can`t wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!
Wellhung: I`m flaccid.
Sweetheart: WHAT?!?
Wellhung: I`m limp. I can`t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I`m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I`m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy. I`m looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I`m getting dressed, I`m putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait. I can`t find the night table. I`m reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I`m buttoning my blouse. I`m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Now I`ve found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire! I`m pointing at it with a shocked look on my face!
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I`m logging off, LOSER!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Nooooooo!
       Posted by COQUINE Posted on December 4, 2009 View Comments 2      
Petite leçon de marketing!!...
 Petite leçon de marketing!!... 

1: Tu es à une soirée et tu vois une nana très attirante. 
Tu t'approches d'elle et tu lui dis : 
"Je suis un très bon coup" 
c'est du Marketing Direct. 

2: Tu es à une soirée avec un groupe de copains et vous voyez une nana 
très attirante. 
Un de tes amis s'approche d'elle et lui dit : 
"Tu vois ce garçon là bas, c'est un très bon coup". 
c'est de la Publicité. 

3: Tu es à une soirée et tu vois une nana très attirante. 
Tu lui demandes son numéro de téléphone. 
Le lendemain, tu l'appelles et tu lui dis : 
"Je suis un très bon coup" 
c'est du Télémarketing. 

4: Tu es à une soirée et tu vois une nana très attirante. 
Tu la reconnais. Tu t'approches d'elle, tu lui rafraîchis la mémoire 
et tu lui dis 
"Tu te souviens que je suis un très bon coup ?". 
c'est du Customer Relationship Management. 

5: Tu es à une soirée et tu vo is une nana très attirante. 
Tu te lèves, tu arranges un peu tes vêtements, tu t'approches d'elle 
et tu lui sers un verre. 
Tu lui ouvres la porte lorsqu'elle part, tu ramasses son sac 
lorsqu'il tombe. 
Tu lui offre une cigarette et tu lui dis : 
"Je suis très bon coup" 
c'est des Relations Publiques. 

6: Tu es à une soirée et tu vois une nana très attirante. 
Elle s'approche de toi et te dit 
"J'ai entendu dire que tu es un très bon coup". 
c'est du Branding, le pouvoir de la marque. 

7: Tu es à une soirée et tu vois une super belle nana. 
Tu la mates, avec tes potes tu fais des réflexions lourdingues, 
tu te bourres la gueule et tu rentres avec ton engin sous le bras. 
c'est la réalité du marché... 
       Posted by SEXYSUZY1 Posted on December 4, 2009 View Comments 2      
Irish swinger

Two Irish couples agree to swap partners for the night. . .



After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"

       Posted by COQUINE Posted on December 2, 2009 View Comments 2      
Revendication salariale
 Moi, le Pénis, sollicite par la présente une augmentation de salaire pour les raisons suivantes : 

* Je travaille à de grandes profondeurs.
* Je plonge la tête la première dans toutes les situations.
* Je n'ai ni week-ends, ni vacances.
* Je travaille en milieu humide.
* Je ne suis pas payé pour les heures supplémentaires.
* Je travaille en milieu sombre et sans ventilation.
* Je travaille à de hautes températures.
* Je suis exposé aux maladies contagieuses.


Réponse:

Cher Pénis,

Après analyse de votre demande, considérant les arguments avancés, nous sommes au regret de ne pouvoir accéder à votre demande pour les raisons suivantes : 
* Vous ne travaillez pas 8 heures en continu.
* Vous vous assoupissez après un bref effort de travail.
* Vous ne suivez pas toujours les ordres de la direction.
* Vous ne restez pas à votre poste alloué, et allez souvent visiter d'autres sites.
* Vous ne prenez pas d'initiative et avez besoin d'être pressé et stimulé pour commencer votre travail.
* Vous laissez votre poste de travail crasseux à la fin de votre période.
* Vous ne suivez pas toujours les règles de sécurité, comme le port de vêtement protecteur.
* Vous êtes incapable de travailler en binôme.
* Vous êtes incapable de travailler 2 périodes d'affilée.
* Vous quittez parfois votre poste sans avoir terminé le travail de la journée.
* Et comme si ce n'était pas suffisant, on vous a remarqué entrer et sortir constamment avec 2 sacs suspects.

La direction.
       Posted by SEXYSUZY1 Posted on November 28, 2009 View Comments 1      
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

The host of the TV quiz show “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” enter home and found his wife pregnant; he ask her ... where this come from?

She replied: I asked a friend

The host very angry takes her to the court where the judge tell him, you so god damn lucky that she didn’t asked the audience.

       Posted by INDEMAND Posted on November 20, 2009 View Comments 1      
Husband and wife golf lessons

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them was playing like they wanted to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard!"

"Well, what should I do?” asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast." Taking the advice, he takes a swing, and POW! He hits the ball 250 yards straight up the fairway. The ecstatic man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.

The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."

The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP, the ball skips down the fairway about 15 feet.

"You know, that was a lot better than I expected," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands..."

       Posted by FINEFUN4US Posted on November 3, 2009 View Comments 1      
martian swingers

A Martian couple landed on the earth. The emerged from their spacecraft and went up to a farmhouse. They knocked on the door. When the farmer and his wife answered, they announced that they were from Mars and wanted to come in to chat. The farm couple extended their hospitality and they all seemed to hit it off well. After a while, the farmer said "Do you two swing?"

The martian replied, "yes", and so they swapped mates and adjourned for appropriate activity.

After the martian man had climbed on, he said to the earth woman, "Is my dick long enough?"

She replied, "Well, now that you mention it, I would like it a little longer."

He said "no problem" and proceded to twist his left ear and, like magic, his dick got longer. "How's that now?"

"One notch more" said the woman.

Her request was promptly complied with via another twist of the left ear. His next question was "Would you like it a little thicker?"

She replied "yes" and he twisted his right ear once. The woman said "That's perfect!" and they proceeded to bang away.

The next morning the earth couple were comparing experiences and the husband said "how was it for you?" The wife replied, "Super! How about you?"

The husband responded, "It was pretty good, but she damn near twisted my ears off!"

       Posted by INDEMAND Posted on October 23, 2009 View Comments 0      
Observant waitress - it made me laugh....


A man and a woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door..."

       Posted by BOBJANE77 Posted on September 27, 2009 View Comments 6      
Only a man would do this ...... LMAO !

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary wrote this......( no it wasn`t me.But names have been changed to protect the guilty.)


Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for
a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were
supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your
assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.

Nothing! I was disappointed.

I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a
metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity
darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat.

But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself
against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as
advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
hand, and tazer in another.

The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would
purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,
less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA
batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible
way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second
burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.

I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD... WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION... WHAT THE...**** !!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and
over again.

I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
and tingling in my legs!

The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Important Notes: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is NO such thing as a one second burst when you
zap yourself!

You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
surveyed the landscape.

My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
originally was.

My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip
weighed 88 lbs.

I had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for
sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my
hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward
for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and
now regularly threatens me with it!

BE WARNED !!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

       Posted by FINEFUN4US Posted on September 16, 2009 View Comments 0      
Know this woman???
I'm not sure who this woman is,


Image.jpg


But she claims she knows you.
       Posted by CUPID Posted on September 16, 2009 View Comments 0      
grandma
A man moved into a nudist colony. He received a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.  Too embarrassed to let her know that he lived in a nudist colony, he cut a photo in half but, accidentally sent the bottom half of the photo.  He was really worried when he realized that he sent the wrong half, but then remembered how bad his grandmother's eyesight was, and hoped she wouldn't notice.  A few weeks later he received a letter from his  grandmother. It said, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style.... it makes your nose look too short. 

Love, Grandma

       Posted by THEVOICE Posted on August 31, 2009 View Comments 1      
Famous Sex Quotes

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
-- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger

"Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-- Jack Nicholson

"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady, and you didn't think Barbara had a sense of humor)

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
-- Robin Williams

       Posted by CUPID Posted on August 31, 2009 View Comments 2      
himicide, PMS and armed

Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner

whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not

bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that

I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life

as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all

females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all

females carry weapons, and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least

one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest

problem,

has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? ....... I think not..

       Posted by KENNETH69 Posted on August 28, 2009 View Comments 2      
PMS and GPS

What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?


A crazy bitch who will find you

       Posted by ACCOUNTING Posted on August 27, 2009 View Comments 1      
fucking rules
Typical macho man married typical good-looking girl and after the wedding, laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want - and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there'll be sex here at ten o'clock every night - whether you're here or not."

       Posted by AVENTURASWEETS Posted on August 25, 2009 View Comments 0      
Alcohol and Sex

A desperate man walks into a bar, he tells the bartender that

he's had a terrible day and he just got fired.

 

Bartender: Hey you look down, want to have some fun?

 

Man: Sure, like what?

 

Bartender: I'm going to pour you out 10 shots of Vodka, and I

will give you 100 dollars to do a couple of things.

 

Man: OK, what do I have to do?

 

Bartender: You have to go outside and beat the hell out of that

Rottweiler, that's the meanest dog I've ever seen.

 

Man: OK, what else?

 

Bartender: And after that, if you are able, you gotta go

upstairs and have sex with that old woman.

 

Man: It's a deal

 

After the man had all 10 of his shots he stumbled away saying

he'd be right back after he completed his first task.

 

30 minutes later he came back, bloody, cut, scraped, and

scratched up like no other. The bartender's mouth dropped wide

open.

 

Bartender: Wow! I can't believe you did it!

 

Man: Me neither, now where's that old woman I have to beat up?

       Posted by AVENTURASWEETS Posted on August 20, 2009 View Comments 0      
Martian swingers

A Martian couple landed on the earth. The emerged from their spacecraft and went up to a farmhouse. They knocked on the door. When the farmer and his wife answered, they announced that they were from Mars and wanted to come in to chat. The farm couple extended their hospitality and they all seemed to hit it off well. After a while, the farmer said "Do you two swing?"

The martian replied, "yes", and so they swapped mates and adjourned for appropriate activity.

After the martian man had climbed on, he said to the earth woman, "Is my dick long enough?"

She replied, "Well, now that you mention it, I would like it a little longer."

He said "no problem" and proceded to twist his left ear and, like magic, his dick got longer. "How's that now?"

"One notch more" said the woman.

Her request was promptly complied with via another twist of the left ear. His next question was "Would you like it a little thicker?"

She replied "yes" and he twisted his right ear once. The woman said "That's perfect!" and they proceeded to bang away.

The next morning the earth couple were comparing experiences and the husband said "how was it for you?" The wife replied, "Super! How about you?"

The husband responded, "It was pretty good, but she damn near twisted my ears off!"

       Posted by ACCOUNTING Posted on August 13, 2009 View Comments 1      
Condom versus Tampon
A condom tells a tampon "you always take my job for a whole week". The tampon says " yeah but every time you fuck up, I lose my job for nine months" 
       Posted by SEXYSUZY1 Posted on July 18, 2009 View Comments 2      
Mrs. Prezocki
Mrs. Prezocki walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?"
The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there."
She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones."
The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."