Dear Tech Support,
>
> Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.
> I soon noticed
> that the new program began unexpected child processing
> that took up a
> lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of
> this was included
> with the product information. In addition, Wife 1.0
> installed itself
> into all other programs and now launches during system
> initialization,
> where it monitors all other system activity.
> Applications such as Poker
> Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5, Football 5.0,
> Hockey 3.0, Hunting
> and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run,
> crashing the system
> whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in
> the background while
> attempting to run my favourite applications. I'm
> thinking about going
> back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the Uninstall doesn't work
> on Wife 1.0.
>
> Please help! Thanks.
> A Troubled User
>
> REPLY FROM TECH SUPPORT:
>
> Dear Troubled User,
>
> This is a very common problem that men complain about.
> It is due to a
> primary misconception among men. Many people upgrade
> from Girlfriend 7.0
> to Wife 1.0 thinking that it is merely a Utilities and
> Entertainment
> program.
>
> Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its
> creator to run
> everything! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0
> and return to
> Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating system files cause
> Girlfriend 7.0 to
> emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
> impossible to uninstall,
> delete, or purge the program files from the system
> once installed. You
> cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is
> designed to not
> allow this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
> or Wife 2.0 but
> end up with more problems than in the original system.
>
> Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under "Warnings:
> Maintenance/Child
> Support."  I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work
> on improving the
> situation. I suggest installing the background
> application program
> Yes_Dear to alleviate software augmentation.
>
> Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I also suggest that
> you read the
> entire section regarding "General Partnership faults"
> (GPFs). "You must
> assume all responsibility for any faults and problems
> that occur,
> regardless of their cause. You will also find that
> GPFs tend to be
> somewhat cyclical, occurring approximately 28 days
> apart. The best
> course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE.
> Avoid excessive
> use of C:\YES_DEAR because ultimately you will have to
> use the APOLOGIZE
> command before the system will return to normal
> anyway. Remember, the
> system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame
> for all GPFs.
>
> wife 1.0 is a great program, but tends to require very
> high maintenance.
> Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs such as
> Clean_and_Sweep
> 3.0, Cook_It 1.5 (which replaces Burn_It 1.0) and
> Do_Bills 4.2. You must
> however be very careful how you use these programs.
> Improper use will
> cause the system to launch the program Nag_Nag 9.5.
> Once this happens,
> the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is
> to purchase
> additional software.  I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
> Diamonds 5.0 should
> this happen.
>
> WARNING!! *DO NOT* under any circumstances, install
> Secretary_With_Short_Skirt.  This application is not
> supported by Wife
> 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the
> operating system.
>
> Regards
> Tech Support