|
|
| Blonde Mortician......... |
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how She would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.
She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I' m very grateful. How much did you spend?' To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.
'There's no charge,' she says. 'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.
'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'
'So I just switched the heads.'
|
|
|
|
|
|
| THE HORTH WHITHPERER |
A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse. 'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly. 'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'? So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over. 'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears. 'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'? The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth. 'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'? Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground. The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrase that.. Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'? |
|
|
|