A man walks into a bar and sees a sexy blonde sitting at the bar,he walks over and offers to buy her a drink.No thanks she replys alcohol does not agree with my legs.Why says the man does it make them swell,no says the blonde it makes them open.
My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big f#cking red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond......
A guy goes to Vegas and gambles away his money.
He hops into a taxi to catch his flight home.
The driver says that will be $ 15 .
I don't have the $15 but I will give you my DL, a check, or a IOU, I promise I will pay you back. The driver says get out of my taxi. The guy hitches a ride from a passerby and catches his plane.
A year later he is in Vegas and staying at the same hotel as before. He goes to catch a taxi and sees the merciless driver at the end of the line. So he comes up with a plan.
He gets in the 1st taxi and says how much to the airport? The driver says $15. And how much for a BJ? The driver says get out of my car! He repeats this process with each driver til he reaches the merciless one. At that point he gets in and says take me to the airport. As he is being driven past all the other taxi drivers he gives them a big smile and thumbs up.