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       Posted by NEWNREADY Posted on October 12, 2011 View Comments 5      
How do you unlock the door???

One night, a man and his lady friend were about to enter his apartment, when, before he could open the door, she says, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

"Well, give me some examples." says the man.

The lady explains, "Well, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced, and that isn't for me either." Then she asks, "How do you unlock your door?"

"Well," said the man, "Before I do anything else, I lick the lock..."

       Posted by CREMEDELACREME Posted on October 4, 2011 View Comments 0      
((((((((((((S**T))))))))))
A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
       Posted by CREMEDELACREME Posted on October 4, 2011 View Comments 0      
SEX CODE
A Husband and his wife agreed that anytime they want to have sex, they will call it a PHONE CALL so that the kids will not decode...

One day, the husband sent his son to tell his mother that, "Daddy wants to make a phone call.

Mother replies: Tell your Dad that the Network is down today.

Dad to his son, "Go tell your mother that if there is no Network at
home, I will go to a Public Phone .

Mother tells her son to go and tell his dad, "if he dare go to a public phone, she will open a Call Center at home.
       Posted by CREMEDELACREME Posted on October 4, 2011 View Comments 0      
10th Anniversary
went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. the locals were shouting 'paedo' and other names at me just cos my bird is 21 and i'm 40. Totally out of order and it completely ruined our 10th Anniversary.