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       Posted by WICKEDWOLF Posted on October 14, 2006 View Comments 14      
Remember when!!! (mainly for UK people)
Just for a minute

Just for a minute, forget everything stressful and read this...............


Close your eyes and go back in time...

Before the Internet...

Before semi-
automatics, joyriders and crack....

Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...

Way back........

I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park.
The corner shop.
Hopscotch.
Butterscotch.
Skipping.
Handstands.
Football with an old can.
Fingerbob.

Beano, Dandy, Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the Menace.

Roly Poly.
Hula Hoops, jumping the stream, building dams.
The smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.
Bazooka Joe bubble gum.

An ice cream cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a tune.
Chocolate or vanilla or strawberry or maybe Neapolitan or perhaps screwball.


Wait......

Watching Saturday morning cartoons, short commercials or the flicks.
Children's Film Foundation, The Double Deckers, Red Hand Gang,
Tomorrow People, Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why Don't You'? - or staying up
for Doctor Who.

When around the corner seemed far away and going into town seemed like going
somewhere.

Earwigs, wasps, stinging nettles and bee stings.

Sticky fingers.
Playing Marbles. Ball bearings. Big 'uns and Little 'uns.
Cops and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.
Climbing trees.
Making igloos out of snow banks.

Walking to school, no matter what the weather.
Running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your stomach
hurt.
Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights.
Spinning around on roundabouts, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for
giggles.
Being tired from playing....remember that?

The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a team.

Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Football cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Choppers and Grifters.

Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops. Vimto and Jubbly lollies

Remember when...

There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green Flash
The only time you wore them at School was for P.E.
And they were called gym shoes or if you are older - plimsoles

You knew everyone in your street - and so did your parents.
It wasn't odd to have two or three 'best' friends.

You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas Eve.


When nobody owned a pure-bred dog.

When 25p was decent pocket money
Curly Whirlys. Space Dust. Toffo's.
Top Trumps.
When you'd reach into a muddy gutter for a penny.

When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids got there.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to carry
groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.

When being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that
awaited a misbehaving pupil at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs etc.

Parents and grandparents were a much bigger threat and some of us are still
afraid of them.

Didn't that feel good?

Just to go back and say, Yeah, I remember that!

Remember when....

Decisions were made by going "Ip, Dip, Dog Sh*t"

"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.

Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in Monopoly

The worst thing you could catch from the opposite
sex was germs.
And the worst thing in your day was having to sit next to one.

It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog 123' wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught with a catapult.

Nobody was prettier than Mum.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.

Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.

Getting a foot of snow was a dream come true.

Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.


If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED.

Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from their grown life...

I DOUBLE-DARE YOU

       Posted by BLONDONBLOND Posted on October 14, 2006 View Comments 1      
Red Wine
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
 
Do you suffer from shyness?
 
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
 
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about  Red Wine. 
  
 
Red Wine   is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident about yourself and your actions. Red Wine   can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.   You will notice the benefits of Red Wine   almost immediately, and with a regime of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want to live.
 
Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past, and you will discover many talents you never knew you had.
 
Stop hiding and start living, with Red Wine. 
 
Red Wine   may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use Red Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
 
Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness,  loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity,  delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth,  and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker,  Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.
 
             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
 
                                   WARNING:
 
    The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
 
             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
                                   WARNING:
 
    The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
 
             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
                                   WARNING:
 
    The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
 
             ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
                                   WARNING:
 
       The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
 
      &n
       Posted by SWEETLASS1 Posted on October 10, 2006 View Comments 1      
Hard boiled sweets

A Jelly Baby walks into a bar and starts talking to a Smartie.

After a few beers the Smartie says "Ere, a bunch of us are heading to that new club, fancy tagging along?"

The Jelly Baby says "No mate, I'm a soft centre, I always end up getting my head kicked in."

"So", Smartie says. "Don't worry about it, I'm a bit of a hard case, I'll look after you."

Jelly Baby thinks about it for a minute and says "Fair enough, as long as you'll look after me", and off they go.


After a few more beers in the club, three Lockets walk in.



As soon as he sees them, Smartie hides under the table.

The Lockets take one look at Jelly Baby and start kicking him, breaking cola bottles over his little jelly head, lamping him with little sugary chairs, and generally having a laugh.

After a while they get bored and walk out.

Jelly Baby pulls his battered Jelly Baby body over to the table and wipes up his Jelly Baby blood.

He turns to Smartie and says, "I thought you were going to look after me."

"I was!" says Smartie, "But those Lockets are fuckin' menthol!".

       Posted by WICKEDWOLF Posted on October 8, 2006 View Comments 2      
The Lords Prayer

My vibro which brings me heaven, Rabbit be thy name.


Til kingdom come, thy make me cum...on earth with eyes on heaven.


Giv me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screams, as i forgive flat batteries.


Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from frustration.


For thine is the rotation, the power and the buzzing,


 for ever and ever NO MEN !!!

       Posted by BLONDONBLOND Posted on October 1, 2006 View Comments 1      
breasts
An elephant asks a camel,
"Why are your breasts on your back?"
"Well," says the camel, "I think that's a strange question from somebody whose Wiener is on his face."