“And an 8-year-old girl in Ottawa, Illinois, opened up her McDonald’s Happy Meal, found a bag of marijuana, a lighter and pipe in it. Yeah. Turns out it was just the Keith Richards action figure from the ‘Pirates of the Caribbean.’” - Jay Leno

Conservatives have to stop rolling their eyes every time they hear the word, "France." Like just calling something "French" is the ultimate argument winner. As if to say, "What can you say about a country that was too stupid to get on board with our wonderfully-conceived and brilliantly-executed war in Iraq?" - Bill Maher