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       Posted by BEEFNBUNY Posted on May 28, 2006 View Comments 1      
My most recent visit to the hardware store

Be Careful 

I don't know how many of you shop at the Hardware store, but this may be useful to know.



 

I am posting this to warn you of something that happened to me, as I have become a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.


 

This happened to me at Hardware Store, and it could happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 25 year-old girls come over as you are loading what you bought into your car or truck. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy t-shirts. It is impossible not to look.


When you thank them and offer them a tip, the say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to another Hardware store. You agree, and they get in your back seat.



On the way, they start making out and touching each other.
 

Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the
other one steals your wallet.


 

 



Even though they only got $20 in my wallet.


I had my wallet stolen on Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, again on Sunday, and also yesterday.

So please be careful!


THE BEEF



 




 

       Posted by INSOLENTMINX Posted on May 23, 2006 View Comments 1      
Just a little humor

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that my progeny or yours?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell which of us is the father of that sapling?” The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree.

"It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in


                                                  The Silver Minx

       Posted by WHIZZKID Posted on May 22, 2006 View Comments 0      
How To Make A Girl Scream

 

There were these three guys outside of a bar. There was a black guy, a white guy, and a chinese guy. They all had been in the bar before and saw this gorgious women.

Well they made a bet to see who could make the woman scream.

The black guy goes in a comes out and the women is laughing, and then the white guys goes in, well after he comes out she is laughing even harder.

The chinese guy goes in and a after a few minutes she is screaming bloody murder. Then he comes out, and the other two guys said how did you do that, and the chinese guy goes "Me chinese, me play trick, me put hot sauce on my dick!"
       Posted by TEXASDOMTOO Posted on May 13, 2006 View Comments 0      
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past 5 years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

They were surprised to find that in 44 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Shit!"

Only the states of Oklahoma, Tennessee, Missouri, Arkansas, Georgia, Alabama and Texas were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer, I'm gonna try somethin'".
       Posted by CUNABIT03 Posted on May 12, 2006 View Comments 0      
HOW TO STAY MARRIED

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $25,000.

He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness. "Honey," he said, "that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the dolls."

** Women will love this...Prayer
Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; to Love him, to forgive him; And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

Amen!

       Posted by WHIZZKID Posted on May 10, 2006 View Comments 0      
The Swedish Student

The Swedish Student

At a local college, there was a dance.

A guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance. While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss". She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich". She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
       Posted by BS1 Posted on May 9, 2006 View Comments 0      
The Hormone Hostage

The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his hands. This is a
handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's £50.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that dressing gown!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
  
13 Things PMS Stands For:
  
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
  
And my favourite:
  
13. Potential Murder Suspect.
  
Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends, and
those who might need a
good laugh (or men who need a warning)!

And remember: money talks - but chocolate sings

       Posted by INSOLENTMINX Posted on May 7, 2006 View Comments 0      
Excuses to give your boss?

Anal Glaucoma


An employee calls her boss to say she won't be into work today, she is sick.

The boss, a little ticked that she's called in sick again says "What's the matter with you?"

"I have anal glaucoma" the employee replies.

"Anal glaucoma, what the heck is that"says the bossman.

Employee chirps back "I just can't see my ass getting into work today".