Epitaph:  Here lies the bones of Screwy Prick at birth he was blessed with a cork screw dick. His life he spent in the feudle hunt to find the girl with the cork screw cunt! Well he found her but then fell dead, that son of a gun had a left hand thread.

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,    to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.  'Good  morning,' said the young man. 'If I could take a couple minutes of your time,  I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners...  ' 'Go away!' said the old lady. ''I'm broke and haven't got any money!''  and she proceeded to close the door.  Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed  it wide open...  ''Don't be too hasty!'' he said.  ''Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.''  And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.  ''Now, if this  vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure  from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.'' The old lady stepped back and said, ''Well let me get you  a fork,  'cause they cut off my electricity this morning."