Mrs. Prezocki walks into a sex store and says to the salesman, "Where are the dildos?" The clerk points and says, "On the wall over there." She looks and says, "I want one of the red ones." The salesman says, "No, lady. The dildos are the ones next to the fire extinguisher."

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big french kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!" I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Infiniti or Lexus in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replies.

A human and Martian couple decided to swing in separate rooms. As they finished and went there ways, a guy from human couple asked his wife: - How was that? Did you enjoy it? - Yes, replied his wife, these Martians are great lovers.... As we were fucking I told the Martian - I wish his dick was a little longer, he twisted his right ear and his dick grew longer... Then I told him - I wish his dick was a little thicker, now he twisted his left ear and his dick grew thicker... - I'll be damned, exclaimed her husband... Ad I'm thinking.... Why the hell in a world the Martian girl was ripping my ears off !!!???