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       Posted by TANGODIAMO Posted on July 31, 2006 View Comments 0      
Very hot day somewhere in Texas

It’s a very hot day somewhere in Texas, and a cowboy comes riding slowly into town.


 


Thirsty, tired and badly burned by the sun, the cowboy rides straight to the saloon.


 


Tipping his hat to the sheriff as he jumps off his horse: “Howdy, sheriff!”


 


The sheriff, rocking in his rocking-chair, nods lightly: “Howdy, stranger!”


 


As the cowboy walks around the back of the horse, he lifts the horse’s tail, and places a loud kiss where the sun don’t shine


 


The sheriff stops his rocking-chair: “Now, hold it mister! Did I just see what I just saw?”


 


The cowboy dryly replies: “’Reckon you did, sir!”


 


The sheriff, getting up from his rocking-chair: “Why on earth would you ever want to kiss a horse’s ass?”


 


The cowboy explains: “Sir, I got me some bad chapped lips, and this keeps me from licking them!”

       Posted by TANGODIAMO Posted on July 28, 2006 View Comments 1      
A catholic priest and a protestant priest

A catholic and a protestant priest were having their usual drink at a local bar.


 


The catholic priest says: “It would be nice to have a vacation sometime.”


 


The protestant priest replies: “Good idea, why don’t you go?”


 


The catholic priest complains: “No, I couldn’t leave, they need me here!”


 


The protestant priest insists: “Listen, you need a vacation. We are old colleagues, just tell me what to do!”


 


The catholic priest thinks for a while and agrees: “Maybe you are right, my old friend. Look here, take this little wise book. Whenever you have a question, you should find the answer in there!”


 


The protestant priest takes the book and wonders: “What about confessions? What do I do, what do I say?”


 


The catholic priest says calmly: “Don’t worry, that’s easy, whenever you have a question, just have a look in the little wise book!”


 


The catholic priest departs on vacation, and pretty soon the protestant priest finds himself alone with different kinds of confessions.


 


A woman comes in, sits down, and confesses that she has had sexual thoughts about her neighbour.


 


The protestant priest looks in the little wise book. Flipping the pages, yes, here we are: sexual thoughts about your neighbour! Hoping she hasn’t noticed the pause, he speaks: “My child, go and pray 30 Ave Maria, and everything will be forgotten!”


 


Next in to confess is a man who admits to often having sex with his secretary.


 


The protestant priest refers to his little wise book and calmly states: “My son, go and pray 100 Ave Maria and you shall be forgiven!”


 


Now, the next man enters, sits down and shamefully cries: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned!”


 


The protestant priest, starting to like his new job, inquires: “Bless you, my child, what is your sin?”


 


The man collects himself and whispers: “I have had anal sex!”


 


The protestant priest looks in his little wise book, but finds nothing under anal sex. Feeling the panic, he opens the rear door and sees a young choir-boy walking by. Quickly taking the chance he hoarsely whispers: “Son, what do you get for anal sex around here?!?”


 

The choir-boy says “Oh?!” and smiles, “Sometimes Snickers, sometimes a Mars…”
       Posted by CUNABIT03 Posted on July 26, 2006 View Comments 0      
Oops!!

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 

 

"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" 

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." 

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" 

 

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.  She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. 

 

Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir." 

 

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 

 

"A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back?".
       Posted by SEXONASTICK Posted on July 3, 2006 View Comments 0      
Trust

A modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the plains
>without water.
>
>His horse has already died of thirst.
>
>He's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last
>breath - when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand
>several yards ahead of him.
>
>He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what
>looks to be an old brief case.
>
>He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
>
>She is wearing an IRS ID badge and a dull gray dress.
>
>There's a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked
>behind one ear.
>
>"Well, cowboy," says the genie! ... "You know how I work. You have three
>wishes."
>
>"I'm not falling for this", said the cowboy. "I'm not going to trust an
>IRS genie."
>
>She smiled and said, "What do you have to lose? You've got no
>transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"
>
>T he cowboy thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is
>right.
>
>He said, "OK, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and
>drink."
>
>***POOF***
>
>The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen.
>And he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
>
>The genie said, "OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish."
>
>"My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams."
>
>***POOF***
>
>The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare
>gold coins and precious gems.
>
>The genie said, "OK, broke-back boy, you have just one more wish. Better
>make it a good one!"
>
>After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... "I wish
>
>that no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me."
>
>***POOF***
>
>He turned into a tampon.
>
>The moral of the story: If the government offers you anything, there's
>going to be a string at tached !!!!!
>
>   _____

       Posted by TEXASDOMTOO Posted on July 3, 2006 View Comments 0      
Bring on your bad self!

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front  of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the  front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from
evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly  gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to  the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.


So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure  do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't."  said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?" asked  Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
And  you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope," said the old  man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

 


 


 


 



The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for 48 years".