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       Posted by CUNABIT03 Posted on January 25, 2007 View Comments 0      
Go Texas

TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL


**

*A TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL


Dallas ATC:  "Tower to Saudi Air  911--You are cleared to *

*land  eastbound on runway 9R."

Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC.  Acknowledge cleared to land on  
infidel's runway 9R --Allah be Praised !!"

Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711--You are cleared to land westbound on
runway 9R."

Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC.  We are cleared to land on
infidel's runway 9R.- -Allah is Great !!"

Pause: Static.............

Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC !   DALLAS ATC !!! "

Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?"

Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING
IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS !!!   WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !!! *



*INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC:  "Well bless your hearts.  Y'all be careful now and tell
Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?**

       Posted by STRETCH1 Posted on January 23, 2007 View Comments 0      
Dog food
 have a Golden retriever. I was buying a large bag of Purina
at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me
asked
if I had a dog?
(DUH!)
On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I
was
starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't,
because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost
50
pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes
coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the
way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina
nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the
food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that
practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my
story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish
setter's butt and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he
was laughing so hard!


       Posted by BLONDONBLOND Posted on January 14, 2007 View Comments 0      
Come

Two true blue dinky-di Aussie chicks walk into a David Jones store, walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle.


Shazza sprays it on her wrist and smells it: "That's quite noice, innit, don't ya fink Cheryl?" "Yeah, what's it called?" "Viens a moi." "VIENS A MOI, what the fark does that mean?"


At this stage the assistant offers some help. "Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me".


Shazza takes another sniff and offers her arm to Cheryl saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you, Cheryl?"

       Posted by SK2 Posted on January 13, 2007 View Comments 0      
Can't Lie

 A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight
>  >> returning from Switzerland. She finds herself
>  >> seated next to a priest and asks" Excuse me
>  >> father, may I ask a favor of you?"
>  >>
>  >> "Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?"
>  >> he replies.
>  >>
>  >> "Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself,
>  >> a superbly sophisticated electronic hair razor.
>  >> I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well
>  >> over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear
>  >> they will confiscate it from me. Could you
>  >> perhaps secret it through Customs for me
>  >> under your robes?"
>  >>
>  >> "I certainly could my dear, only I must warn
>  >> you I really am not ever able to lie..."
>  >>
>  >> "You have such an honest face father, surely
>  >> they will never ask any questions of you," and
>  >> with that she hands him the hair remover.
>  >>
>  >> After landing they proceed through Customs
>  >> and it becomes the father's turn in line.
>  >>
>  >> "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
>  >> asks the Custom's officer.
>  >>
>  >> "From the top of my head to my waist I have
>  >> nothing to declare my son."
>  >>
>  >> Finding this answer a little strange the custom's
>  >> officer proceeds to ask, "And from the waist to
>  >> the floor, what do you have to declare?"
>  >> The father replies, "I have a marvellous little
>  >> instrument destined to be used on a woman,
>  >> but which has never yet been used..."
>  >>
>  >> Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says, "Go right
>  >>through
>  >>father. Next!"
>