Never play leap frog with a Unicorn.Ouch!!!!!!!!!

A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three very black and totally naked men sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis. The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African-Americans in a predominantly white patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?" asked the couple."Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there are no African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three Scottish coal-miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch."

The year is 2222 and after accumulating enough frequent flier miles, Mickand Maureen land on Mars. They meet a Martian couple and are talking aboutall sorts of things. Mick asks if Mars has a stock market, if they havelaptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up thesubject of sex."Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen."Pretty much the way you do," responds the Martian.Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for thenight and experience one another.Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips.He's got only a teeny, weeny Winkie - about half an inch long and just aquarter inch thick."I don't think this is going to work," says Maureen."Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?""Well," she replies, "It's just not long enough to reach me!""No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's impressivelylong."Well," she says, "That's very good, but it looks like a long pencil, it'sstill pretty narrow....""No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, theMartian's member grows wider and wider until it's extremely exciting to thewoman."Wow!" she exclaims, as they fall into bed and make mad, passionate love.The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separateways. As they walk along, Mick asks, "Well, was it any good?""I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was amazingly good. How aboutyou?""It was horrible," Mick replies. "All I got was a headache. She keptslapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

>An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she has missed her period for>two months.>Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.>The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.>>>Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did>this to you? I want to know!">>The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a>Ferrari Stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man>with grey Hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of>the Ferrari and enters the house.>>He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and>tells>them:>>>"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't>marry>>Her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.>>>I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her>life.>>>Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a>>Townhouse, a beachfront villa and a £2,000,000 bank account.>>>If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a>>£4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and>£2,000,000 each.>>>However, if there is a miscarriage, I'm not really sure what to do.>What do you suggest?">>>At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand>firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,>>>>"You shag her again.">>

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen.Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil isalso called Ibuprofen.      The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After carefulconsideration by a team of Government experts, it recently announced that it hassettled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin,Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.       Pfizer Corp announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquidform, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use asa mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiffone. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaningto the names of "cocktails", "highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiffdrink". Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:      MOUNT & DO       Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implantsand Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, thereshould be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections andabsolutely no recollection of what to do with them.