Two old ladies are sitting outside smoking.  Out of no where it starts to rain, so one of the old ladies takes out a condom, bites off the end, and puts it over her lit cigarette.

Helga says to the other old lady:  Mertle, what the hell is that.

Mertle:  It's a condom.

Helga: And why do you have it on your cigarette?

Mertle:  Keeps it from getting wet in the rain.

Helga:  Well where did you get it?

Mertle:  From the pharmacy.

So the next day Helga goes to the pharmacy and says to the guy behind the counter:  "Sir, I need some condoms".

The guy looks at her, in utter amazement (cause she's like 80) and says, "Well Ma'am, they come in lots of different sizes and textures.  Is there any particular one kind you'd like"?

Helga looks at him and says, "It don't matter to me as long as it fits a cammel"!!!!!!!