The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when all a man
has to do is open his mouth, and he takes his life in his hands. This is a
handy guide that should be as common as a driver's licence in the wallet of
every husband, boyfriend, or significant other.

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: What did I do wrong?
SAFEST: Here's £50.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some chocolate.
  
DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that dressing gown!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
  
13 Things PMS Stands For:
  
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
  
And my favourite:
  
13. Potential Murder Suspect.
  
Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends, and
those who might need a
good laugh (or men who need a warning)!

And remember: money talks - but chocolate sings