Letter to America

by KLICKLAC on February 26, 2006

I think they are moving to a more international competition. World Series is more a name for an event rather than a description of the event. At the time it was coined, baseball really was not played on a professional level very much if at all outside the US. So back in the late 1800s' it seemed appropriate.

I think it would be fun to see some of the great Japanese teams in the World Series.

Trivia question, which nationality other than the US has the most ballplayers on the US professional teams?

(answer Dominican Republic)

by KLICKLAC on February 24, 2006

Yeah, Way, but he is still funny.

Potato chips, and we will have to drive on the wrong side of road!!!!

by HISBQ on February 24, 2006

I have no issue with anyone "picking" or "making fun" of America or American's. I do have issue with people making fun of potato chips... they are delicious. Who in the hell would put mayonnaise on potato chips anyways..that's just wrong!!!

Klick....John Cleese didn't write that..... and the original writing was only about a paragraph long...just fyi..

by NIPPY6781 on February 24, 2006

"Ive got a moon they can kneel to, worship and KISS!"

.......and enter,no doubt Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view

Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view

by NIPPY6781 on February 24, 2006

lol....Good One!

by PRINCESSL on February 24, 2006

Does this mean all our dental benefits are being taken away?!?!?

by RUFFEDGES on February 24, 2006

If I could print that picture off, I would frame it in my office. I get tickled every time you do that.

Ruff

by NIPPY6781 on February 24, 2006

"Just learn to like my humo(u)r, and it will make your day more smashing and Gay"
lol....No complaint here....I'm a fan

by RUFFEDGES on February 24, 2006

Alright you smart fuggers. Tell me which direction someone standing in Mecca faces to pray. Better yet, what if they are located two miles west of Mecca?

Ruff

John Cleese, or any other Britain wouldn't want to take this back over. Tell me, are the Saxons still bitter with the Normans? Or do frayed feelings have a shelf life of more than 200 years but less than 900.

I played Rugby for three years and loved it. I played soccer close to twenty years, and just can't run that much anymore. I still like American football and Baseball. You would too, if you watched on the same plane, and weren't looking down your nose at it. I don't understand the game of cricket, so I never watch it. I suspect this is what is meant to be said in Britain of American Football, but the sense of humo(u)r, is misunderstood.

I like European beer. Most of us do. I Drink Coors light day to day, because it is a 1/3, rather .33% less than a European brand.

The only person I am sure did not pull the trigger on J.F.K. was Lee Harvey Oswald. Other than that, if I knew, I would tell you.

In conclusion, Mr. Cleese, Nipplehead, and whomever, because we were not armed with potato peeler's is precisely the reason we are not governed from abroad today.

Just learn to like my humo(u)r, and it will make your day more smashing and Gay.

Ye ole friend,

Pruffingham

by KLICKLAC on February 24, 2006

Good one, I've always enjoyed Cleese's satirical look at the universe.

We all know the UK produces the best Butlers, maids and nannies the world has ever seen. What would we do without the UK?

by HISBQ on February 24, 2006

BRILLIANT!!!! Do also get to be sissified girly men too and wear dresses? I mean if we're to be forced to be sissies, let's go all the way!!! :D

BTW, chips come in a bag and there's 1000000000 different flavors, soccer's for kids and homos, and a vegetable peeler in the hands of any American is twice as deadly as a gun in a Brits hand.....

Oh yea... next time make sure you check snopes . com

Claim: Monty Python member John Cleese penned a satirical piece announcing the revocation of America's independence.

Status: False.

"It evidently originated on with one Alan Baxter of Rochester, U.K., who wrote and posted a much shorter, four-item version to an internal newsgroup hosted by his employer in November 2000, as a wry commentary on the recently concluded (but far from decided) U.S. presidential election"

by NIPPY6781 on February 24, 2006

This is funny shit..and I'm not a Brit..lol

John Cleese's letter to America..................

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise." You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

2. There is no such thing as " U.S. English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You will re-learn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

8. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gaso ") - roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with mayonnaise but with vinegar.

10. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer." Those of you brave enough will, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

15. An internal revenue agent ( i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due backdated to 1776.

Thank you for your co-operation.