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       Posted by MIKELYNSUSSE Posted April 30, 2007 View Comments 1      
Essex Earthquake Appeal


ESSEX EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

A major Earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter scale hit in
the early hours of Friday.

Epicentre: Basildon, Essex.

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "faaackin
ell". The earthquake decimated the area of 40 square miles causing
approximately £300 worth of damage.

Several priceless collections of mementoes from the Balearics and
Spanish Costas were damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out Ford Capri's were disturbed.

Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM
(County Radio Station) reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact
that something interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident, racy Tracy Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said "It
was such a shock, my little  Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying. My youngest, two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept
through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the
next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of
Sunny Delight to the area to help the  stricken locals. Rescue
workers are still searching through the rubble and  have found large
quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from
Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?
This appeal is to raise money for food and  clothing parcels for
those unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster.  Clothing
is most sought after:
items most needed include:
-- Fila or Burberry baseball caps
-- Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
-- Shell suits (female)
-- White sport socks
-- Rockport boots
-- Any other items usually sold in Primark.

   Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.
   Required foodstuffs include:
-- Microwave meals
-- Tins of baked beans
-- Ice cream
-- Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.
    22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms
    £2 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 £5 will
    pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm  the nerves of those
affected.

**Breaking news**
Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry
alcho-pop 'where are you bleeding from?' they asked," ROMFORD" said the
girl!











by SCHLAGMEISTER on October 8, 2010
Just read this. I didn't think anything could make me laugh, this grey, dull morning, but it certainly brought a big smile to my face !!

Thanks.

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