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       Posted by JEDNCINDY Posted March 13, 2006 View Comments 105      
A Letter to America

Some of you may have seen it before, but it's hilarious, and no apologies for length as it is worth reading every line.


 


To the citizens of the United States of America:-



In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.


Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy.


Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how incorrect your pronunciation has been. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.


You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix burgh is pronounced burra, as in Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.



Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with
bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.


2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".


3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier).


You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire etc..


4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.


British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf"
will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.


5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.


6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game.



The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.
Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult
game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nonces). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2007.


You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.


7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "Shit".


You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we dont believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.


8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".


9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.


All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.


10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium.


Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.


11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per

by NTEXCOUPLE on March 31, 2006

I've never seen two 55 gallon drums fucking a third 55 gallon drum...........



 



{A post that will live in infamy for every }
by RUFFEDGES on March 31, 2006

Bringing your spurs along will guarantee you a thoroughly enjoyable ride.  Wink, wink.


Ruff 
by PRINCESSL on March 31, 2006
 Cheer up Ruff. I've been wanting to go horseback riding (wink,wink). And I won't even use my spurs ;)
by RUFFEDGES on March 31, 2006

How in the fuck, Did I start getting picked on?  Measure folks like me by hands.  Am I a horse now.  I did not realize I was speaking with horse people in the know.  Perhaps we will find some common ground.  I thought I was just being my "ridiculously charming, funny" self, by throwing the "Sticks and stones" thing out.  


I didn't allow for you to feel "Picked on", by all those mean ole Texicans.  Where is Ode from?  How do you pronounce "Looser" in Anglund anyway?  I certainly don't know.  I am but a mere cart puller.


Ruff 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 30, 2006

 


do they have to tranquilize you for air travel???...and how do they keep you wet???...these are all things your fandom over here in Tejas want to know...stiff upper lip matey and i pray nothing obstructs your blowhole before they return you to the sea...


 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 30, 2006
Ode......You are a light weight, metaphorically speaking.

Firew.........It's a 2 hour flight to Alicante.

Ruff.........In England we measure anything that looks like you in hands.

Must fly........Final score all the Texan working togather 2 Mikelyn 74. PTH
by ODE2AMY on March 30, 2006

 "What's with the ultraviolet ass? Worried Truck will not be able to find it in the dark?"


sometimes you have to give a man his due.  That wasn't bad.  Unfortunately, he showed it was just a one time wonder hit by following it up with something as weak as:


"Ode...Yet another sad old lonesome Texan."


MikeL, I haven't addressed you in this topic because, frankly, you haven't been worth my time.  But if you want to start in with me that is fine.  It is obvious to anyone reading this that your "talent" in trash talking is limited to Texas slams.  It would be interesting if (in the words of a person I adore) your IQ was above room temperature.  Since it isn't, I will move on to more challenging subjects.


Have fun


Mr Ode
by FIREWORKS51 on March 30, 2006

 


yes...i am sure of it...all good comedy has to be explained to the audience...i am always equally impressed with the wanker that has to tell everyone how he is getting over on his victims because his actions certainly don't reveal as much...


so, bon voyage on your holiday to Spain matey...best hurry or the ocean tanker you are to be loaded on may be filling up and you'll stand the chance of being packed into separate cargo containers...


*wishes he could spell the sound of a freighter leaving port*...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...


 


 


 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 30, 2006

O dear, Texans you get confused so easily. When we said to Truck "take care you don't break her white stick or trip over her dog". What we were implying was that any girl that could fancy Truck must be blind. Get it white stick & a dog....It's no good being subtle with you Texans. You are very basic people..Look every stroppy yank having a go is from Texas!!

Looser.........(At last a texan with an appropriate name). What's with the ultraviolet ass? Worried Truck will not be able to find it in the dark? Don't worry, he can get one of his blind girl friends to sniff it out for him, just you stay up wind.

Ode...Yet another sad old lonesome Texan.

Anyway, it's been fun taking the piss out of you Texans, Although we have to say you lack the ability to return fire. No wonder you all want to have guns, your fucking pathetic with the pen.


Truck, it's spelt excruciating....TFFT

Texas..........Vini vidi vici.

Have to sign off now, off to Spain, just a holiday. But we know we can rely on you to fight amongst yourselves. Adios!!!

by TEXASDOMTOO on March 29, 2006

And MikeL says Yanks don't have a sense of humor!   Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 
by CUNABIT03 on March 29, 2006

That was soooo wrong and I'm not laughing...


Really, I'm not even thinking about laughing..


OK, maybe just a little bit...


Not too much, just a tiny bit...


Fuggit, IROFLMAO


 
by CUNABIT03 on March 29, 2006
Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view 
by LOOSER4NOW on March 29, 2006

WOW! I find MikeL's photos to be extremely kinky.


I've never seen two 55 gallon drums fucking a third 55 gallon drum...........


That's weird.


Looser
by ODE2AMY on March 29, 2006

Whereas, Dom has no stones whatsover....


Mr Ode (who is a fine 36 stones and proud of it) 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 29, 2006

Yes, but I am six feet tall.  How many sticks does that equal?


You are one branch, three sticks and a twig tall. Which gives you a BCMI (Body Construction Material Index) of "Redoubt". The British BCMI has 7 classification.


Hut


Cottage


Manor


Redoubt


Fort


Castle


Gibraltar


Our own Ode, of course, has long been associated as the standard for the Gibraltar class of BCMI, beginning in the early 80's. The 80's, however, are universally acknowledged as his thinner years. France, Wales and Ireland adopted the Unified Euro BCMI in 1997 with an additional super Index class simple called the ODE, 35 stones and above.


 
by RUFFEDGES on March 29, 2006

 RUFF.....197lbs = 14 stone.....


Yes, but I am six feet tall.  How many sticks does that equal?


Inquistive PRufft of GaliRochchestershirehamglenn
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 29, 2006
RUFF.....197lbs = 14 stone.....Truck's ass weighs that on it's own!!

TRUCK.........If you ever manage to pull a girl, you should take it easy with her. Take care you don't break her white stick or trip over her dog.
by RUFFEDGES on March 28, 2006

I am down to 197lbs.  I don't know how many stones that equals, but it's cool to me.  Unfortunately, I still don't think my ass looks good.


Ruff the Waife  
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 28, 2006
Cuna...........Just trying to put you yanks at ease.

Royce........"The town has a reputation for tolerance and humor"........That would never ever be said about Texas, and that was written by an American!
by CUNABIT03 on March 28, 2006

CUNABITS........Your keys are up Trucks ass, that's why he has to stands like that. You may well find Copulate & Texasdomtoo up there also. With the size of your fat yanky asses you could hind Osman Bin Laden there!! If fact we think your troops should invade Trucks ass. Lets hope you do better there than in Vietnem..... Truck... best brace yourself for this one mate (but enjoy)!!


 


 


 


 


Anally fixated, it appears...


Been hittin the crack pipe way too may times between posts...


Basically disoriented...


but anyhow.......


 


 


 


I still can't read TROLL.... Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 28, 2006

OMFG!!! MikeL has a talent for vindictive wit that leaves me with warm fuzzies!


His droll repartee, the pointed epitaphs he hurls with such simplistic ease, the hubristic self-esteem so evident in his pithy comments. Each and every one serves to warm the cockles of my heart.


They remind me of my 4yo calling her sister a poopy-head.      Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 28, 2006
CUNABITS........Your keys are up Trucks ass, that's why he has to stands like that. You may well find Copulate & Texasdomtoo up there also. With the size of your fat yanky asses you could hind Osman Bin Laden there!! If fact we think your troops should invade Trucks ass. Lets hope you do better there than in Vietnem..... Truck... best brace yourself for this one mate (but enjoy)!!
by CUNABIT03 on March 28, 2006
I lost my keys....Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view 
by RUFFEDGES on March 28, 2006

Hello all-


So what's been going on around here?  Just good ole friendly conversation, I suppose?


Ruff 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 27, 2006

 



which reminds me of one of my all time favourite Classique Truckie Flickes...



 



                       "CUNT WHISPERUER"...



 



 
by NTEXCOUPLE on March 27, 2006

Alright guys, I feel left out here. Nobody sent Paul Revere through my neck of the woods yelling; "The British are coming"


I like a turkey shoot as much as the next guy.

 
by COPULATE on March 26, 2006
All this squabbling because of language usage and spelling? I think not.

It's probably those damn political cartoonists again.

Nothing like a few scribbled characters in a newspaper to reveal a people's soft underbelly. Around the time the email "A letter to America" was circulated, the honorable/honourable Tony Blair was repeatedly shown as W's poodle in the Telegraph and Mirror.  Britain's own Kennedy stated that little tidbit.   

Guess those funny's had a deeper impact than the Brit's want to admit.

After all, if it were really just minor spelling differences like color/colour, the pronunciation of words like aluminum, grammatical changes or the desire to pronounce a letter differently, wouldn't that email stick to that idea instead of wishing they had the power to overtake the USA in matters of world politik?

Nevertheless, I have often wondered about the pronunciation of certain words by the great people of the UK. So, excuse the grammar while I ask a question of y'all.

How do you guys spell and pronounce orthodontist?
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 26, 2006


Suzzz- So that's a "Yes" on being my biatch, then?  Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view     (Biatch  is Yank slang for a slapper.) 


Looser- You obviously missed MikeL's posts. He keeps sneaking looks in the bathroom at every Yank talleywaker he gets a chance to eyeball. It?s worse than Mikey on ?glory hole? night. He obviously has a hankering for a little Texas tube steak, sans lubricant. Since Fire seems to be having trouble establishing a mano-a-mano dialog with the Eruos, I?ll step forward to do my part for transatlantic d�tente by riding MikeL like a Texas filly that ain?t been broke to saddle.    Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 
by LOOSER4NOW on March 26, 2006
 

I, on the other hand, still have high hopes of doing a little Brokeback Brighton with MikeL. If that falls thru, I can always use Suzzzan as my biatch.


 


You obviously like playing with nasty looking pigs. I've never seen so many nasty pig women in my whole life................


 


Looser
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 26, 2006

It would appear that Truck and Fire's chances of boinking a Eruo are becoming distrssingly small.    Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view 


 


I, on the other hand, still have high hopes of doing a little Brokeback Brighton with MikeL. If that falls thru, I can always use Suzzzan as my biatch.
by FIREWORKS51 on March 26, 2006
 


Keep it up, guys...We find it quite diffiicult to type a comment, because we are laughing AT you so much..





Or, as we say in Ireland, WHAT A BUNCH OF ARSEHOLES, ..lol..... 



















 




OMFG...and it's so often said of us, how we take ourselves far too seriously...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...



it's a good thing that the legendary potato famine was followed shortly there after by the even more devastating tragedy imposed on the Irish/Euro populace... the infamous "MIRROR SHORTAGE"...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...



 



 



  




 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 26, 2006

TexasDom- I like poking monkeys


Truck- pointless..yet mildly amusing...sort of like watching the monkeys


I referred to it a page ago, I am but continuing the tradition of one who has come before. It may not be any fun to watch, but I do enjoy it.  In the words of the Mad one?


Dance, little monkeys, Dance!


 


Speaking of which, someone tell Max he is missed.


 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 25, 2006

 


 


Easy does it Truckschmuck...just consider the SORES...


 


 
by ALISONDAVE on March 25, 2006
This has got to be one of the most pointless threads ever. 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 25, 2006

 


 


see how stupid mikelpuss is..."real queerboys don't use lubricant"...there ain't no chemists to sell asstroglide out on the range...


 


 


(dumb fuckin' limey...) 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 25, 2006
Hello Truck, yet another lonesome cowboy, you can join your Texas buddies in a 3some. Brokeback moutain ll. Well if Rocky can do it why not you gay cowboys. However with a ass like like you may struggle to attract anything more than flies. Have a look!!

Looks like another exciting weekend in hics vill Texas. YeeHa & pass the lubricant!!
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 25, 2006
O! great news, at last copulate & texasdomtoo meet on ST, these two single un-validated (that means failed) texens are destined to meet.

Hay lads, Brokeback Moutain, you have seen the film, now you two lonely cowboys can live the dream. We will send you some KY. This is so romantic.

Firewhimp......You have always been defenceless.........Got to know, what does your hairdresser do for a living?

Question: Why was Jesus Christ born in Bethleham & not Texas?

Answer: Because in Texas they could not find a virgin, yet alone three wise men.

Qusetion: What do you call a Texen wearing a suit?

Answer: The accused.

Question: How does a girl from Texas turn off the lights before sex?

Answer: She closes the car door.
by COPULATE on March 25, 2006
Im a life long Anglophile. England is still the only place I know where any young man can grow up to be queen.

Benjamin Franklin Pierce.
by FIREWORKS51 on March 24, 2006

 



      mikelpuss...you're incredible eloquence renders me defenseless...



 



 



 



(just keep saying it...till you believe it...wanker...) 
by NAWTEEZ on March 24, 2006

You must be talking to FireFatty, not me.


Very interesting TexasDom how you get away with calling Fire a Fatty, would never in a million have put them down as your Submissives.


I happen to enjoy sadistic pleasures.


Perhaps you might care to elaborate on your Feeder/Feedee realationship lol
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 24, 2006

FIREWORKS.............You should note that we are English & not from Texas & therefore capable of more than one thought at a time.  When was the last time your heard someone say "on second thought"  LMAO  Fireworks should go with a bang not a whimper, but all you can muster is a whimper.  

Texasdom............We find you very entertaining, you sould get an agent, why sit in the dark handling yourself?  We are truly sorry to hear about your two nephews, being mentally handicapped must run in your family, which explains you.  We just put your lack of ability down to the fact that your from Texas.  You say you need something to wipe all that cola of your pc keyboard, may we suggest fireworks hair, it looks like it's been used as a duster before. 



 



 



 



 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 23, 2006
 its a well known fact that Americans have thin skins


 


Nawteez- You must be talking to FireFatty, not me. The one thing I?ve never been called is thin-skinned. Besides, this is all just play time for me. I like poking monkeys? I mean MikeL? with a stick and listen to him squeal. Granted, his incoherent ramblings are a tad hard to follow at times, but then I have two mentally handicapped nephews, so I have experience with this kind of thing. Baiting MikeL is a simple, sadistic pleasure, but one in which I indulge with relish.


I happen to enjoy sadistic pleasures. 


 


MikeL- You, Sir, are the epitome of a man who is his own worst enemy. With each stroke of the pen, your ignorance becomes ever more apparent.


Now how in the hell am I going to get this coke out of the keyboard?   

by FIREWORKS51 on March 23, 2006

 



as oppos't to your substantial purpose in life...awaiting reparations from the British educational system for their single most embarrassing failure, "what you learnt"...



this old girl wisht you only the besd that the worlt can offert you ant thankst to you, i can speakt proper English before i drinkt myself into a perpetual sleept...





conjugatively speakint of courst...






BTW...Professor Peebrain..."on second thoughts" should be considered singular within the context you offert...and therefore, requires no ancillary "S" on the end...regardless of the word "second" confusingt your very limited comprehension of basic universal linguistic skills....




"see ya"...."i'm gonna R-U-N-N  O-F-T"...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...








 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 23, 2006
FIREWORKS........On second thoughts, get back to your moonshine old girl, you have nothing else to live for!!
by FIREWORKS51 on March 23, 2006

 NAWTEEL.......We agree with you, but you still can't conjugate like that. "she cast a spell". The conjgation is on the verb cast, again irregular. With this lot we first have to teach them that they don't know it & then we have to teach them it.

Americans try to bartardise our language.










anyone else having to clean cola from their computer screen after having it involuntarily spewt forth from thine nostrils at this blatant example of hypocrisy and ignorance????...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...
by FIREWORKS51 on March 23, 2006

 




so, by your neandrethal logic the pig that you fuckt barely squealt as she couldn't even feel what it was about which you yelt????... 




 




okay....makes sense to me...in that very British, circuitous, self absorbed, local logic from somebody spawnt in a culture that is oblivious to the scientific advances of oral hygiene otherwise, commonly knownt globally as "brushing"...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...




 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 23, 2006
NAWTEEL.......We agree with you, but you still can't conjugate like that. "she cast a spell". The conjgation is on the verb cast, again irregular. With this lot we first have to teach them that they don't know it & then we have to teach them it.

Americans try to bartardise our language.
by NAWTEEZ on March 23, 2006
but they might be witches? perhaps that's why they spelled 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 23, 2006
TEXASDOMTOO..........Let us assure you that not a single person in England over the age of 3 would conjugate the verb spell in the past tense with spelled. All the English know it's spelt.

So TEXASDOMTOO I hope you have learnt (you may say learned) some correct English from England.

What is the past tense for Kneel, knelt or knelled & what about feel, is it felt or feelled?  These verbs are called irregular, now that's a big word for you.

FIREWORKS........Take it easy on the moonshine old girl. From viewing your profile we can understand why you need to drink, but it's starting to show.
by NAWTEEZ on March 23, 2006

Whilst on the subject of bloated appendages its a well known fact that Americans have thin skins - perchance a trip too many to the all you can eat buffet methinks.


For sure its only a matter of time before the skin is spread so thinly around their "bloated appendages" that a nuclear style body explosion occurs and remnants of part digested cream and apple pie are given as new cause for global warming whilst bits waft gently in the stratosphere towards Europe.
by FIREWORKS51 on March 23, 2006

 



my bad mikelsissy...



i forget that the keyboards in Britain are all factory rejects with A and E right next to each other...not to mention the typical bloated appendages from centuries of brit inbreeding...



i must apologize and consider the backward circumstances with which you have to work... 


 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 23, 2006

Mike, old bean, Marrian Webster has this listing for the word "spell".


Main Entry: spell
Pronunciation: 'spel
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): spelled   ; spell�ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French espeller, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English spell talk 


Would you like some chips with the crow you're eating?   Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 


Some days, it's like shooting fish in a barrel.  Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 23, 2006

FIREWORKS...........Just a typo. BTW the past tense for the verb spell is "Spelt" LMAO_YST......


Styme?????WTF
by FIREWORKS51 on March 22, 2006

 


mikelsucks...it's spelled E V E N....lord knows those big words can stymie a twit like yourself...


 


stiff upper lip matey...it'll help balance your weak floppy ass...


"toodles"...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...


 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 22, 2006
TEXASDOMTOO.....It is easy to see from your profile that you are just a loner, you are not a swinger or evan a couple. There must be a more appropriate site for a sad old bloke like you. May we suggest www.wankersoftexasunited.com or perhaps www.myrighthandismyonlyfriend.com

We are sure your sister is very relieved she lives more than 2 hours from you.
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 21, 2006

 Mike- Your inability to read the English language, AS IT IS WRITTEN, is ample proof your family tree has crossed its branches far too many times. On the upside, I now have a reference for the word "dolt".


You are also the posterchild for the word "dumbass".


Thank Gawd this is in the Jokes catagory. I'd hate to think you were to be taken seriously.
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 19, 2006
TEXASDOM...........Why do you say "drive from London to Dublin?" 1. If you did you would get bloody wet & 2. Dublin is in Ireland & not part of Britain.

FIREWORKS.............Mexico & Canada you say are just northern & southern states, (you wish) your ego is larger than your nation,or is it just your way of trying to give the USA some class at last?
by FIREWORKS51 on March 17, 2006

 



typical nitbritwit....



 



i was BORN in New York you snickerdoodle...LMAO



i moved to Texas in the 4th grade back to NY in the 6th-7th and got back to this Greatest of Greats immediately thereafter and until present...



and i'll betcha free pie and chips that i've been to Blustry Ol England at leat 3 times more than your untanned ass has been stateside...not to mention France, Monaco, Spain and Italy...wanna speculate South America, Australia, New Zealand, Japan or Thailand???  (Mexico and Canada are just southern and Northern States so, i don't consider those travel...no business travel will be considered for the prize package...)



afterall...it's pie....and chips...for free...



 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 16, 2006

...british... firewoks


Mike- It doesn?t matter to me how big the states are. I find it a damned nuisance. Especially during the holidays, when I can drive the distance of London to Dublin and not only still be 2 hours from my sister?s house, I still haven?t left the damned state!


Be that as it may, you are the one with a size fetish, naming this little island and that little island that is, or was, a protectorate of Britain. I?m just in this to taunt FireTwit for being wrong? yet again.


It?s ?ranch?, not ?Manhattan?, FireTwit!  Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


Now I don?t know if Fire has visited NY or not, Mike. But you should put the raison d'�tre for his misspelling Manhattan where it firmly belongs? on his obvious lack of higher education. Much like those poor dolts who seem incapable of capitalizing the first letter of names of people, organizations or places.


 


Or is that only a grammar rule here in the States?


 


I should probably mention that you obversely missed an "r". The handle is "Fireworks", as in explosive sexual pleasure, which refers to the sexual ability of the female half of the couple. "Firewoks" would reference the explosive diarrhea and heartburn experienced after the male half of the couple cooks for you. Ask Odie.


BTW- What's your raison d'�tre, Mike? You can't use "Texas redneck", can you?    Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


Stephen
by DISNEYLOVERS on March 16, 2006
Yeah, obversely!! 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 16, 2006
TEXASDOM It matters not how big the USA is, the british have visited more parts of the USA than many yanks. Look at poor old firewoks she can't spell Manhattan, so obversely never been to NY, like most rednecks never left Texas!!!!
by FIREWORKS51 on March 15, 2006

 


 


           "i know i am...but,what am i?"...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...


 


 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 15, 2006

Golly, Mike! Pretty impressive locations! I'm sure you wanted to include Hong Kong.... but then you chaps let that little Jewel of the Orient slip back to China, didn't you? Being a backward colonial who enjoys telling FireTwit how wrong he is, I decided to do a bit of research into that impressive empire of yours.


Now it says that Great Britain (the island, not the empire) is about 90,000 sq miles in area... which just happens to be about the same area of a local farm hereabouts, called the King Ranch. (Not your King, of course. Or your Queen. Her personal property only makes up a flower garden or two here in the States.) But then, everything over there is kinda tiny, isn?t it? I mean, if we add up everything that you?ve laid claim to, and throw in Hong Kong as a gimme, your empire is still only about half the size of Texas. (I won't even mention that the city of Houston and it's suburbs is just a tad bigger than Northern Ireland. Being Texans, we have more guns too.)


Still, my research showed me just how right you are, and just how WRONG he is! FireTwit most definitely misspoke when he said "an island the size of Manhattan". He should have said you have ?an island the size of a ranch?. A single ranch. From one state. But still, I'm certain that its a pretty impressive empire, indeed. And it sure showed Fire how touchy he is being. 


 


The twit.


 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 15, 2006

 


LMAO...that's the approximate equivalent to walking across Grapevine Mills Mall...and we had a Christmas Sale there that erupted into warfare far beyond any British Military field exercise against some rock throwing local Beefeater trainees...


and we didn't even need to ring up our personal towel boy Tony to send in HMSS backup...LOL


stiff upper lip mate...you're so twisted you are beginning to leak blinker fluid...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...


 


 


 
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 15, 2006
Just as we said, You Americans are just toooooooooooooo touchy!!!!!!!!
You are so predictable.

What twit was it who said "an island the size of manhattan"? We would like to see you walk from John O' Groats to Lands End then on to Gibraltar & The Falkland Islands. You know of The Falkland Islands? We had a war out there sometime back. It was a bit like your Vietnam, but it did not last as long & a totally different result.....
by FIREWORKS51 on March 15, 2006

 






OHHH...we're laughing...don't doubt that...but, our laughter is not limited to our own borders...we lead the world in comedians that make themselves rich at the exclusive expense of our elected morons...






 






but, unlike you lot, we have GLOBAL HUMOR too...and you backwards self righteous head up your arses twits offer more than plenty of fodder to stimulate a gut bender...Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view...





 





EDIT...Ricky Gevais' dance humor is second only to Julia Louis Dreyfuss as Elaine Benes...and admitting you haven't even smiled at anything "Gervais" simply proves my point further..."BRILLIANT"...LOL





 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 15, 2006

Ummm, Mike? You haven't got what we Yanks call "a sense of humor", do you? 


If you'll bother to read what's written, without becoming all defensive because "the nasty Americans are picking on the poor Euros", you'll realize we're just playing. I even poked fun at American TV myself.


There's a problem with you Brits, and you said it best when you said...


"You are just so touchy."  Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


Disclaimer- By "you Brits", I do not mean to suggest no one from the Euro side has a sense of humor. I personally find a whole slew of you? 3 of you anyway? to be hilarious. And I mean ?tears in my eyes, spewing Coke thru my nose, chuckling for hours afterward? funny.


 


MIKELYNSUSSE?s defensiveness aside, of course.    Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view


 


 
by ALISONDAVE on March 15, 2006

 thank gawd for Ricky Gervais...


Amazing really , Ricky Gervais has never made me so much as smile, and yet some Americans like him.
by MIKELYNSUSSE on March 15, 2006
O come on America it is funny............Why can't you American laugh at yourself?? You are just so touchy.
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 15, 2006

Eisner is waaaay ahead of you. Disney will be using France for parking. They plan on putting Mickey Mouse ears on the Channel Tunnel Train.


 
by FIREWORKS51 on March 15, 2006

 


thank gawd for Ricky Gervais...


otherwise there's not much worth salvaging from that declining example evolutionary progression on an island the size of Manhatten...


we might be able to turn it into a theme park except for the limited parking available... 
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 15, 2006

it is also fair to say the UK does take solice from laughing at the Yanks.


Careful there, AR11!!! Some things you just don?t joke about. Poke fun at ELRaymond and we will retaliate. We have a 6-day Sanford and Son marathon as our premier Weapon of Mass Boredom, and we are not afraid to use it!


 


As the coup de gr�ce, we will follow with a continuous bombardment of the original Dukes of Hazard  that could easily last months, if not years. Telly, as you know it, will be nothing but hopeless devastation...


 


 


just like American TV.


 
by ALISONDAVE on March 15, 2006
Interesting thought from AR11 , Americans actually get sexual pleasure from the pain we suffer watching Raymond. 
by SEXONASTICK on March 15, 2006
To be fair, we do get The Daily Show with John Stewart and must say he finds USA just as funny as we do. I think it is also fair to say the UK does take solice from laughing at the Yanks.
The sadist part is you yanks have the last laugh because we are stuck watching hours of Everyone Loves Raymond repeats, which is a punishment fitting the crime.
ps: do like King of Queens though.
by TEXASDOMTOO on March 14, 2006

 Wayward- You need to cut Jed some slack. Since Benny Hill, Dudley Moore, Peter Sellers and Peter Cook have gone to the great kidney pie in the sky, there's only 3 or 4 funny Brits left. So they have to recycle the few funny jokes that are left.


 


Which explains the 600 repeats of "Shaun of the Dead" on HBO last month.


Explicit image available, join sdc.com to view
by HISBQ on March 14, 2006

Well it wasn't funny the first time it was posted, 2 weeks ago.  Didn't think it was funny this time.  Maybe it'll be funnier to me the 3rd or 4th time some one else posts it.



R
by JEDNCINDY on March 14, 2006

America is saying that the UK has troubles? now THAT'S funny. 


 


 
by SEXONASTICK on March 14, 2006
giggle, very funny, dont worry jedandkayn, it seems that Texans want to take the 'no sense of humour' tag from the Canadians.
by JEDNCINDY on March 14, 2006

 Erm, I don't usually bother checking rumor websites before posting a joke. It's a joke, doesn't matter if it's true or not.


 


 
by HISBQ on March 13, 2006

Ok... this exact same thing was posted just a couple weeks ago... so..again... before you post things you might want to check www snopes com


The origional letter was posted during President Bush's first election campaign by a reporter in England. It was written by Alan Baxter of Rochester, U.K.


London, 8th November 2000.
To the citizens of the United States of America,

Following your failure to elect either a half decent candidate or man-monkey as President of the USA to govern yourselves and, by extension, the free world, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume a monarch's duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, please comply with1 the following acts:

1. Look up "revoke" in a dictionary
2. Learn at least the first 4 s of "God save the Queen"
3. Start referring to "soccer" as football
4. Declare war on Quebec

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your cooperation and...have a nice day!

So, check SNOPES before throwing stuff out there.  It'll save ya some time.

R
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