This is one of the funniest things I have read.... and Ladies sooooo true!All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises ofeasy, painless removal- The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair andnow....THE WAX.My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fixdinner,play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ringpainfully in my mind for the next few hours. "Maybe I should pullthe waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise:the bathroom.It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hotwax,you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm andyou peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and youpull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean,I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.(YA Think!?!)So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing eachother stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicksin so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ("Coldwax," yeah.... right!)I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight andpull. It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn'ttoo bad.I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skinextraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, Isneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fightingchampionship.I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the sameprocedure, I apply the one strip across the right side of mybikini line, covering the right half of my "hoo-hoo" and stretching down to theinside of my butt cheek (Yes, It! was a long strip) I inhale deeplyand brace myself........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!!!!I'm Blind!!!!!!!! Blinded from pain!!!!!! OH MY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!VISION returning.noticed that I've only managed to pull off half the strip.CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!Another deep breath and RRRRIIIPPPP!!!! Everything is swirly andspotted.I think I may pass out.... must stay conscious... Do I hearcrashing drum???Breathe, breathe....OK, back to normal.I want to see my trophy- a wax covered strip, the one that hascaused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel inthe glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!!There's no hair on it. Where is the hair???? WHERE IS THE WAX?????Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. Isee the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.CRAP!!!!! I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of mybody,which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make thenext BIG mistake...... remember my foot is still propped up on thetoilet?I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.DANG!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.Hoo-hoo? SEALED SHUT!!!!Butt? SEALED SHUT!!!I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to doand think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!!!" What can I do to melt the wax?Hot water!!!!Hot water melts wax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipeit off,right?????WRONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I get into the tub-the water is slightly hotter than that used totorture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment- I sit.Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions gluedtogether is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom ofthe tub.....in scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!!!!God bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have aphone put in the bathroom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversationstarter- "So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of thetub!"There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks forremoval but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants toknow exactly where the wax is located. "Are we talking cheeks orwho-ha?"She's laughing out loud by now... I can hear her. I give her therundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.YEAH!!!!! RIGHT!!!!!I should be the joke of someone else's night.While we go through various solutions, I resort to scraping thewax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girliegoodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot waterand then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!!!By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hikeand I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-traumatic Stress counselingfor this event.My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my savinggrace....the lotion they give you tor remove the excess wax. What do Ireally have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OHMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of myfriend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!!!it works!!!I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. Isuccessfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to mygrief and despair......THE HAIR IS STILL THERE..... ALL OFIT!!!!!!!!!!!!So I recklessly shave it off. Heck. I'm numb by now. Nothinghurts. I could have amputated my own leg at this point.Next week I'm going to try hair color..... Now that'sfunny.................NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!